Regardless of how attuned the human brain is to processing and reacting to the millions of signals it receives every minute, people can still make spectacular misjudgements when communicating with other people. So what’s the best way to avoid these?
Sorry, I thought you said…
Human communication is a complex and multi-layered process. There’s no real consensus on average vocabulary size, but a variety of sources place it between 15000 and 30000 words in the native language. It gets even more complicated when you consider that according to the EU’s 2005 Europeans and Languages report (pdf) almost half of EU nationals considered themselves able to speak more than one language.
There is a rather morbid anecdote often used in management development circles to show the damage bad communication can cause. One day in 1978, Melburn McBroom, an airline pilot considered by his cockpit and cabin crew to be domineering and short-tempered, was flying his plane into Portland, Oregon.
McBroom realised there was a minor problem with the landing gear, so began circling the airport until he could fix it. He became so obsessed with the malfunctioning gear that he failed to notice the plane’s fuel was running out. His co-pilots were so fearful of McBroom’s wrath that they said nothing, almost right up to the point when the fuel ran out. The plane crashed, killing ten people. An extreme example, of course, but it highlights how vital communication is to a team’s effectiveness.
Communicating well is not just about articulacy and knowledge. Mehrabian’s much abused study on non-verbal communication is often wheeled out to show that just 7% of communication is verbal. Whilst the study itself is a little more complicated than that, and doesn’t support such a simple conclusion, there’s still an element of truth to the claim. The best communicators – like your mate who can walk into any bar and effortlessly get on with everyone they see – seem to be natural masters of the art. They are warm, charismatic and interesting, and inspire jealousy when your own attempts to charm result in disinterested, monotone answers.
Communication often breaks down because what is being said is not always heard – or what is heard is not what is meant. There is a tendency to give and receive information in a way that makes us feel comfortable, even if it is not the most effective way.
As individuals we need to be aware of how we communicate to others. We need to use a language and approach that allows others to be receptive to the message and information.
Active listening and assertiveness
A critical skill in any verbal discussion is the ability to talk to someone rather than talk at them: to listen to what they are saying. To that end, here are some recommended listening techniques:
- Listen actively and with empathy to the other person’s feelings and take the cause of those feelings seriously.
- Listen to ideas as if for the first time. Work at being open to new ideas.
- Picture yourself in their position, doing their work, facing their problems, using their language and having their values.
- Observe non-verbal behaviour to gain meaning beyond what is being said.
- Resist the temptation to jump in with an evaluative, critical or disparaging comment.
Then when you are sure you have listened properly to what’s been said, you need to choose the way you respond. Typically, your response will lie somewhere on the passive-aggressive scale shown in the diagram to the right.
As you have probably guessed, in most situations the assertive response is most productive. It will communicate your wants and needs without being manipulative, and demonstrate a desire to find the best solution to a problem. Passivity portrays you as weak and disinterested, while aggression will rarely achieve anything beyond clouded judgement and animosity. Read the body language of the other person. If it’s confrontational -invading your personal space, for example – then being aggressive in return will either escalate the situation or reduce them to passivity. Either way, at this point the communication is no longer an effective way to transfer information.
Becoming an excellent communicator
The good news is that effective communication skills can be learned. Communication is a vital organisational skill. Productive relationships at work rely on open and direct communication between individuals.
Think of barristers. To become a successful barrister it is absolutely essential that you are an excellent communicator, because it’s your job to convince a jury of your peers that a particular individual is either guilty or not guilty. There’s no time for nerves, and the more you muddle your words or deliver confused statements, the more likely the jury is to think you’re a fool. And the more cases you lose, the less money you’ll make.
Even if yours is not such a people-focused role, it is likely you will at some point have to use influence and charm to get the results you want – it’s how people get on in life. One of my colleagues suggests “compiling a ‘stakeholder audit’ that maps your circle of influence and assesses how effective it is. This can help you to discover strategies to improve communication.”
Anyone can learn to become an excellent communicator. It’s a case of not just getting the message across, but delivering it with impact and style. What are your top communication tips? Tell us below!
Woman on Phone image courtesy of Ambro, freedigitalphotos.net
